Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Girl time

I've always thought of myself as a Tomboy. Which partly means to me that I relate more to men than to women. My cousins, my childhood best friends, were boys. In high school I was referred to as "one of the guys". I did not make girl friends till my guy friends got girlfriends. Then suddenly I was re-categorized and lumped in with the girlfriends. I can tell you I was not always happy with this situation.

Many times when being told a he/she said story I find my sympathies lie with the he side. Not so fun fact to know, never side with the man in a room full of spun up women. I swear one time I was almost voted off the island.

I've already told you that I have strong anti-social tendencies, not in the crazy way, more of a I really enjoy being alone with my knitting or book kind of way. I feel sometimes that I put on armor to go out into the regular world. I feel that I should be like the person people expect me to be. My family still treats me like the little sister sometimes, and it is easier to slip back into that role, rather than standing up and saying "I may always be the youngest in the family but I am not a kid any more." I worry that I might say something that is not "churchy" enough. We went to a church that did not seem to believe in women pastors. I remember the pastor spoken so well of in my childhood church was a woman. She was spoken of in such wistful terms 10 - 15 years later.

I worry that I am too liberal for the conservatives and too conservative for the liberals. I worry that people will not like me then tell myself that I really don't care what people think of me.

Tonight I went out to dinner with a great bunch of ladies, some of my knitting friends. I get to try foods that D would never even think of eating. I get to talk about things that are not work related. We seem to make it work. They have annoyed me and I'm pretty sure I've annoyed them, but somehow I seem to feel my most natural self while I am with them. It is nice to let your hair down with friends. Thanks honey for being understanding and encouraging when I need girl time. We both know how you have to push me out of the house from time to time.

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