Burt says...

Burt says, Momma you should show some of the knitting you've been doing. People will think you don't knit anything anymore. Oh and Momma? We could kickstart my knitwear model career again.

Your Momma is going to love these new socks you made for her.

And Daddy will love his socks too. Those are some great tweedy socks Momma.

Oh Momma this new Imperfect Produce does not seem so imperfect to me. Does this mean we have to start eating more veggies?! Oh just you and Daddy have to eat them? That's good, but then again that beef stew smells kinda good.

And speaking of spinning...

I don't just buy fiber, I spin yarn too.

Meet my batch of lovelies.

I see several Christmas ornaments coming from these. I've got to start knitting with them so I can understand the yarn I'm making, or rope.

My class at OFFF started off asking if any of us had made rope. My hand went right up and I said I just made some last week. No pictures yet as I've been having fun washing the skeins that I like instead. My little success stories first then I'll go back and take some pictures of my learning experiments, maybe.

First up a Polwarth Tussah Silk blend by BJS Fiber Creations. I had just found out that my first wheel was not going to be my spinning friend. But I had faith and bought fiber anyways. I thought I could spin it by spindle if nothing else. Now I don't think of myself as a silk kind of girl anymore but man was this fun to spin. I thought I would have to fight it because silk is slippery but nope. I blinked and the bobbin was full. Love the blue green color!

Ahh fiber that almost stayed in the stash... When you're new to doing something the worry is that you will ruin something with your inexperience. I stayed away from spinning because I thought it would be too technical to pick up easily. As with many things in life spinning is as difficult as you make it. If you want to learn the technical words and stats, you can. If you just want to spin a wheel around and watch fiber changes to yarn, if you're lucky and rope if you're not, you can do that too.

I had held onto this fiber for a couple of years because it was bought from the shepherd and such a beautiful natural silver/gray. Then I opened the bag and touched it. If I want to learn how to spin I've got to spin.

 This yarn just makes me happy. The fiber was bought at one of my last fiber festivals before the East to West move. I thought I should be learning on all the natural fibers first. Then BI urt reminded me that I only have to do what I want. I am the boss of my spinning... he's a smart cat!

This yarn is round, bouncy, elastic and sproingy. I just love the feel of it. It is a three ply that makes me want to spin more.

Burt? He's ok with my new hobby. 

As least Momma is not bringing home any more sisters. 

Oregon Flock and Fiber 2018

It is amazing how your focus can change from one year to the next. I am a sock knitter... I buy mostly sock yarn. Every once in a while I will buy for a sweater or shawl, but my true love is socks. 

And then I got a spinning wheel!

Don't worry too much I'm still knitting socks and most likely will till I can knit no longer but spinning? It is a whole new world of fun.

So for the record I bought four braids from Greenwood Fiberworks. All different breeds and colors. I bought two braids of superwash Merino, one orange and one purple from Hanks in the Hood.

I expanded my breed study of Shaggy Bear's flock by six more. And was talked into trying Soay locks. By talked into I mean that she showed it to me and I said yes please. She said "You don't have to buy it I just wanted to make sure you saw it since we just washed some." To which I replied yes but I want to try locks now too.

I needed more Eucalan wool wash since I've been washing more wool. Funny how that works when you spend more time in the yarn room.

I found four issues of Ply magazine to bring home too. There were more but I thought I could start with these. I've never see one in a bookstore or yarn shop. Of course I've only been spinning for a short while now and have never needed to look for them before.

I stared out the morning taking a spinning class. I attempted spinning woolen and man is that going to take some practice. A got to be the target of wheel envy. I was walking Oldwyn, yes that is her name, back to the car after class and a lady walking by said "Beautiful Wheel". Which is really nice since many of the spinners I talk to say Ashfords are beginner wheels. Well, we're pretty darn happy together.

My cute picture there? It was bought for my Rhinebeck room. It says "Go away I'm introverting." Rhinebeck is slowly evolving into the room I want it to be, a wooly place of joy.

Oh and Miss Melissa is training up to be a wool inspector. Right now it is mostly just giving things a really good sniff over. But one day she is going to pick a fleece for me.

Sisters

Our Melissa is ever so curious of the outside, I wonder why.

Oh yeah our Burt is out in the back forty grazing!

Having a sister is not terrible...most of the time.

Did I ever show you my Rhinebeck room door poster?

Good thing I bought a calendar from Crazy Sheep Lady back in 2016. I get to enjoy sheepie inspiration when I walk in my room.

So my life is still hectic at times but boy am I enjoying living it.

The Good Life

Having a sister is not horrible.

Kitten food tastes way better than my food.

Little Sis has started pulling her cuddle with Momma time weight.

Fine you can take a picture of my toe beans.

Why would you want to take a picture of your handspun yarn when you have this cute kitten asking for your attention?

Ta Da!

We had a little family addition. Burt decided he would like some feline company. Momma is way during the day and it sure gets lonely in the house all by your lonesome.

So we added this little girl to our house. She is only 3 months old, and tiny comparatively.

Burt the world's most interesting cat is taking her in stride. 

She is busy with new toys and figuring out where laps should be, kinda.

 The cuteness factor is high but she is made of energy and does not sit still. She would not let me touch her again the first night. But after settling in she was ready for some petting the next day.

I've even managed to spin some for Tour de Fleece. I'm still figuring out spinning so I've plenty to hold my attention. 

Coming together

Slowly my Rhinebeck room is coming together. It has a comfy chair and ottoman and plenty of places to put yarn and books. I've even converted an old cup rack to hold yarn and lights. Not a bad selection if I do say so myself. I just love my yarn collection.

I found a great picture that remind us what the room is for, it says Go Away I'm Introverting. The wary stripy grey kitty just sums it up without the words though.

I forgot to show you the great sign that I found at Black Sheep Gathering. It made me smile right off. I circled a few times then decided it was indeed a sign I needed for Rhinebeck.

The yarn is some hand spun I spun a while ago from an odds and ends bag from Into the Whirled. Come to think of it I bought that bag at my last Rhinebeck trip. You never know how the yarn you spin will be used. 

Yeah this is a room I am becoming comfortable with. I can spin and knit in here all right.

My First Black Sheep Gathering 2018

Well that was super fun! My first festival where I got to say I'm a spinner and knitter. And when we get to the photos you will see what my focus was for this one. I hope spinning opens a new world to me, because I now have the stash for it!!!

First let me introduce you to my new (old) wheel. 

She is a 1970s Ashford traditional wheel. Isn't she grand?! Keeping with my who I am, she does not have a name yet. And I just spent too much time on a name website looking up names...hmmm they all seem to be old fashioned names. Edwina means valuable friend, Dumi means inspirer, Finan means capable, Edna means spirit renewed, Agatha means good. So many names running around my head. Oh who am I kidding I will probably call her all these names.

And here she is with all her new wooly friends. We're going to have so much fun together!!!!!

I tried to get a nice selection of breeds, many have the sheep's names on them. Since it was Black Sheep Gathering, dedicated to colored wool, I made sure to get a pretty wide selection of natural colors. I have Alpaca, BFL, California Red, Corriedale, Icelandic, Navajo Churro, Romeldale/CMV, Shetland, and Wensleydale.

I was resting near the restrooms when the button wagon and lady came by. Are these not fantastic?Adriene make your selection I think one needs to come live with you. Maybe next year you can come down and attend with me. We have always wanted to go to a festival together...

So there it is my magnificent fiber and fun haul. Only two skeins of yarn came home with me, well yarn in the I-can-knit-it-as-is sense. Burt did a preliminary inspection and thinks that yes we will have fun with all this. We've been spending some time together in our Rhinebeck room.

I'm going to go fluff some fiber now.

How to win friends...Burt style

The other night Burt and I are lounging around in our pajamas, what? Hubby was not home and we were hot and out of ice cream. Them's lounging rules people.

Anyways I had tried to retire to bed but Burt was not being is normal, follow Momma around the house, self. I tried drifting off to sleep I really did but where was my wee Burt? I trotted downstairs and there he was lounging on the nice cool floor.

So I sat down to enjoy a quick computer game. Hey when you cannot sleep you might as well rule the world, or at least a computer version of it.

Burt started trilling and chatting to me, or I assumed it was me. But he would not come near to me, he was not leaving his spot in front of the door to the patio. Now this was definitely odd for my Burtie Boy. Momma can usually get a courtesy check in for a quick pet.

And boy was he making adorable sounds. Not the I want that bird chatter but little trills and sighs. I tell you it was a cute noise seduction.

Well it worked on me, I went to see what had put him in such an adorable mood. There was the new neighbor cat looking in our back door. Now I've been struggling with the thought that Burt might like a feline companion. I would love to get him a friend if I knew he would like it, but Burt is so dang near perfect, I decided to wait. It was sort of nice to be able to answer the vet with firm litter box behavior answers. You never have to guess which cat did what when you only have one.

But back to Burt's visitor, I cracked the door to let them smell each other but realized the screen was not in the right position. I snapped it safely shut and listened to Burt make a new friend.

They did a quick nose to nose sniff then the cute kitty noise took over. All I heard was the feline version of hey buddy! over and over again. Ok fine there was one quick test growl but that never went anywhere.

One would walk away and lie down the other would approach the screen. Nose sniff then the other would walk away and lie down. You get the idea it was like a cat infinity loop with the screen being the meeting place.

I let them have a good natter, then I told McFriendly it was time to go to bed. I swear I heard the kitty version of Awww Mom!

Burt stayed by the door for a good long while. He did make sure to let me know when he came to bed. Guess he did not want to get into trouble for breaking curfew.

So yeah I think he would enjoy having a friend. We're not naming him Nunzio though.

Not Exactly a Marshmallow

So... do you all remember that cowardly, judgemental letter I received?

Well... I know who sent it. I was offered an apology because someone else wanted it. The apology was a one time offer, only under her conditions. I did not respond. It was just another attempt to manipulate and control me.

I am currently working my way through all my thoughts and feelings. Moment to moment the things I want to say and do vary widely. I want to tell her to never speak to me, which is ironic because she has never spoken to me. I want to expose what she has done. I want to hide in a corner and never go out in the world again. I want to say everything I've ever thought of saying. I want to get an sincere apology full of regret. I want to yell and scream at her. I want to cry. I want to make her cry. I want this to had never have happened. I want her to not do this to someone else.

Right now I am ignoring and not responding. I am allowing myself to feel all of these things as part of my processing. No one gets to tell me what I feel. 

As we were talking through this situation I told D Oregon is sure going to make me strong and tough. His reply? "You weren't exactly a marshmallow."

Now if you will excuse me I have a warm kitty in my lap. And he is not judging me at all.

Receiving Graciously

Sigh, I've been holding off on writing this post for far too long. No it is not anything super serious or devastating, dont get too worried.

Remember when I had such a hard time with accepting help before we moved. I'd like to say it is a lesson I've learned and taken to heart.

But I was struck again by how hard it is. I still don't know why. At least I did not have a hard time while D was off his feet after the accident.

Remember this lovely spinning wheel I was given?

I bundled her off to a class at a new fiber festival to learn how to use her. I the week or so before my class I doggedly learned how to make her spin. I was by now means efficient or proficient but I could do as the class required, spin a continuous yarn. I had filled a bobbin and started with another one. You know I was even having fun doing it most of the time. (That first night was a battle of wills. I thought I won...)

I was so looking forward to getting to know her and being super crafty, I make my own yarn and knit. How cool is it to be able to say that? I was also planning on doing a bit of fiber stash enhancement.

Back to the class. She showed us how to oil our wheels, tips on basic maintenance, how to change a drive band, and how sampling in spinning works. Great things to know as I start out on owning my first wheel. How exciting!

Then she started coming around to each of us individually. Is that dread creeping into your heart now? Yes it is. My drive wheel is visibly warped. D and I both observed this but had no clue how bad it is. The first question was, why are you using that gear? To which I replied, the internet told me to. The second question from my instructor, how attached are you to this spinning wheel? Gulp?!

I felt like I won the lottery when I picked her up, on hearing that question I felt like someone told me oops the 6 was really a 9 you're no longer a winner. Sigh again.

She left me to my thoughts, so I again doggedly tried to make her work for me. This time she just would not go in the smaller gear. I kept trying and trying. She kept stopping and stopping. We battled for a long while. The instructor went from person to person giving them personal attention. What a wonderful thing if your wheel is cooperating.

She then circled back to me and gave me her considered opinion. I need a new wheel. As much as I try and was hard as I wish this one is not going to work. I had reached that conclusion too, with a very heavy heart. Actually I think I was crying by this time. I held on as long as I could.

Then we start talking. She has a wheel like mine that she does not use... I'm trying to think how much I want to pay. Do I really want to invest in the is new hobby? Spoiler alert Oh heck yeah I want to learn how to spin on a wheel. What a skill to have, what a fun thing to learn.

So timidly I ask what she wants for her wheel? She says you're not listening, I have a wheel I could give you.

What?! How did I win the lottery again? She goes on to tell me she had a fire almost a decade ago and people sent her things to replace the things she lost, or at least try to. My reserve diminished, she was passing on other's good will. She had received and appreciated it now she was willing to send it on to me. How could I not accept?

When we refuse to receive good will and blessings from others we hurt ourselves and the ones trying to give. Part of giving is being able to receive too. If we cannot receive graciously how can we give graciously?

Hopefully I will have a new spinning wheel to show you in July.

Celebrate!

This post comes to you from my mind sitting in a lovely B&B on the coast of Oregon. Ahh, Oregon I wish you loved me half as much as I love you. I know I know, you're trying to grow me into the strong competent person you think I can be but honey throw me a bone every once in a while. I'm working this church treasurer thing now, and a full time job, and a new house, and deciding if Burt needs a brother. Maybe the coast will give me some relaxation time.

Yep, I'm a church office holder now. Boy is that a tough adjustment to make. And here I thought I left church work back in New York. Sigh.

Anyways back to the meat of the story. This month is an anniversary for D and me. Where to go? What to do? We've been together long enough to know we're not the fancy dinner premium hotel kind of people.

But we have dipped our toes into a few B&Bs. So pretty and man do I love it when someone makes breakfast for me. Today we got to try Dutch Babies. I know it sounds like I'm a cannibal but I'm not. A Dutch Baby is a German (Deutsch) pancake. It is a bit like a big version of a popover or Yorkshire Pudding. I've never had Yorkshire Pudding but I did run across a funny article. The BBC was making fun of NY Times for giving recommendations for syrup or fruit preserves being used on a Dutch Baby when everyone knows it is properly known as Yorkshire Pudding and Yorkshire Pudding is not sweet it is savory only!!!!

Ahh, the things people can get their knickers in a twist over. Just because something is served one way in one place does not mean they hold the rights on everything about it. Just think if India took back Curry from England. Honestly I have no idea if there are differences between true Indian Curry and Curry you get in England. I just hope India does not judge me harshly for loving their curry spice.

Getting back to the Dutch Baby we had, I now have the recipe and will be attempting them in my house. If I am quick and lucky I just may post some pictures in the future.

We had a lovely time at the beach and continued the German food theme with lunch at a German restaurant. Germany can I continue to love your wursts and beers too?

We were then off to watch glass blowing being demonstrated. I have a wee glass kitten and some fancy new earrings and the continued love of crafting in all their various forms. We also hit Tillamook Cheese on the way down, and admired their ability to craft cheese and tasty things too.

Now since D is enjoying a rest in the lovely private B&B room I may just take a walk down on the shore or I could just curl up too. Decisions, decisions.

Supervised

Momma what do you do when you have to do paperwork and I want to help you?

Oh you give me a nice comfy bed right up here where the action is so I can supervise! Don't forget to carry the one Momma.

She could not love me any more than she already does... I like her too.

On Grieving

Ah the posts you never want to write but somehow the words keep moving around in your head. Finally it is just best to sit down with a box of tissues and let it out.

There are multiple triggers for this one but today it was a small box dated May 2016 that linked it all together. I was putting things away and came across something I am not yet able to let go, a box of medication for Gus. That box and three of its four pills moved with me from New York. It sat in under the bathroom counter in the apartment for a year and a half and now it sits on the new bathroom counter because somethings are memories even if they are useless. That box is the link to another life. Sometimes I forget how difficult that time was and sometimes I remember all to well.

I do know that my experiences taking care of Gus long term helped prep me for dealing with D's accident. I knew how strong I could be and had a clue how strong I would need to be.

That box also reminds me of the people from my vet's office. One in particular that is causing me to sob. M was this lovely soul that always had time for us. I think her middle name should have been empathy. She was the one that posted pictures of Gus on Facebook for me when we traveled and he stayed with them. She was the one that laughed when I told her to call him Big Tough Kitty when he was not feeling well. She was the one that took this picture.

She was also the person I messaged asking for help to end his struggles. I had to message her because I knew I would break down crying if I heard her voice and had to say the words. She was the one that wrapped up the shawl we brought with us and kept it safe to return with his ashes.

She was the one that came to take Jack's body from us.

She was also one of the first people to get a picture of Burt. Because people that understand why new kitty pictures are important are my kind of people.

Do you ever have those people in your life that you wish you could have known better. She is one of mine. We did connect on Facebook after the move out here. She was a bright, funny, beautiful person. It broke my heart to watch her go from being the caregiver to all of us pet parents to being a patient. A patient that kept beating the odds in all the worst ways. She was not supposed to be at risk for the disease that took her. She was not supposed to go from being on the road to recovery to hearing what would cause her death.

She is supposed to still be at the office taking calls and bringing comfort to all of us that needed her. She is supposed to be making me laugh at her witty comments and matching sense of humor. She is supposed to be curled up with her own kitties and wife.

But she is not and the world is less because of it. Rest well M. I hope Gus was there to greet you on the other side.

Tea cup garden?

What do you do when your tea for one set loses its other half? 

Start a teacup garden!

Who knew my teacup would have a picture of my future kitty on it?

Another View

Momma, people are going to start thinking you just sit around and admire all the cute things I do.

I guess they're right?

Whew at least this photo has some yarn in it!

You should go take a picture of that plant thingie out on the patio that you think looks so nice. 

How about you put some potatoes in the oven for dinner?? At least you're doing some laundry.

Vistas

Momma wanted me to let you know it is not all about the new toys we have. 

Sometimes we just sit and admire our new vistas.

Here I ponder what we can grow in the back forty. Forty what Momma? Oh it is just an expression? We don't have forty of anything? Not even yarn skeins?

Way more than forty yarn skeins? Does Daddy know we have all that yarn? 

Oh that's where he gets his spiffy socks from! I sorta nod off when you're knitting.

Good talk Momma, I'm gonna go take a nap, no I do not want to take a walk in the Burtabaygo. Why don't you go bake some muffins or something? There is a chill in the air that the oven would get rid of... I'm just sayin'.

Just realized

Here I was trying to come up with a witty line about new friends and old friends...

My new to me spinning wheel matches Burt. 

I guess she can stay Momma. You know since she matched her outfit to me...

Also I approve of the new chair and ottoman even if they don't coordinate as well.

One of the many knitter's laments

I've said it before and I will say it again... moving is a lot of work and takes a lot of time. I'll return you to your regularly scheduled blog now.

The crafter's lament... have you caught yourself saying it or been in a room where it is discussed? Oh that's right we have many laments. I'm talking this time about how once we've deemed someone "knitworthy" and finally make them something, it gets safely tucked away in a drawer or closet rarely to see the light of day again.

Horror of all horrors you finally find someone you know will love this perfect hand crafted thing that you spent both time and money on. And they put it away to preserve your effort. Alas!

I have to confess doing it myself. My sister and mother both enjoy embroidery. They have made me some cute and wonderful items, that I safely stored away in closets and drawers. Why? You guessed it, they were too cute and too dear to be used. What if I wore them out? What if they got stained?

Son of a gun! I'm one of those saver people too!

Once we moved into the new house I unpacked the towels my sister had emblazoned with kittens, some of which actually look like Burt! They're now hanging on kitchen doors and making me smile.

The pillowcases my mom did? I few of those actually saw service in the apartment and will continue to see it. I've just got to make sure they're in the rotation.

The quilts that my grandmother made? I've got a quilt rack that I refuse to give up in my knitting room. They will serve as inspiration when not looking dazzling on my beds.

And all those socks that I knit? Well they see regular service. But the ones that wore out or no longer fit. I'm coming up with ideas, like serving as temporary anti-scratch pads on the new floors. How about a new cup cozy instead of a old sock? Gosh I bet they could even work as a duster or two, you know if I really had the urge to dust. Don't have a coaster for that teacup? Here's an old (clean) sock.

Let's stop lamenting and just start using! We can always change our behaviors before we can change someone else's. Lead by example if you will. If you'll excuse me I've got to go throw some old socks on the cat, Burt looks cold.

Movin' on Up

Well I guess it is settled, my yarn and a whole whack of knit sweaters have gone to a better place.

Don't worry I will soon be joining them. We found a house. Shh Burt is not really sure what that really means. I mean he is a pretty smart guy but he has not been through a move with us. He just sees us huffing and puffing up and down the stairs when we should be getting some nice lap time. What gives Momma?

I told him he is going to have fun exploring and he may even get a sister or a brother. He is not sure how he feels about that. A sister or brother sounds fun but you never know what Momma is going to pick out.

I'm just going to say that I've name my knitting room...Rhinebeck. It seems right.

The Things "People" Do

I am very comfortable and happy with the person I have become. I like me. That is one heck of a statement when you think about it. There are things that I would like to change about myself, but all in all, I am grateful and comfortable being me!

I was just thinking this week that my hair and I have come to a mutual understanding, we both think  it looks great. Who knew I would ever be comfortable without bangs? I was told that I am lucky because the color of my hair is pretty and I don't have to dye it.

I got through the toughest years of my life recently. I took care of my hubby and myself while he recovered. I drove/moved cross country by myself. Flew home to SD twice in a month, once by myself to attend my father's funeral. I lost two beloved cats.

I am a Wife. I am a friend. I am a sister. I am a daughter. I am a worker. I am a knitter. I am a Kitty Momma. I am one Hell of a Farmer's Daughter!

But today I received this...

Just when you have hope, you realize just how shitty "people" really are. 

This coward, who is not a person in my opinion, sent this load of judgemental crap to me anonymously.

Guess what? I am still very happy with who I am.

I do not need nor want to change anything for you. 

I will never be a model, a lady or a spokesperson. I will never be polished or impeccable. Heck, I won't even be well dressed.

What I am is me. I am beautiful. I am witty. I am funny. I am strong. I am caring. I am smart. I am blessed. I take care of my loved ones. I take care of my furry ones. I AM LOVED!

I too am judgemental and critical, but I try to keep that to myself. I can be vicious and hurtful. I cry and drink beer. I swear. 

I know who I am. Can you say the same about yourself?

We all know what you are, coward.

Looking Forward by Looking Back

It is hard to escape your future no matter how hard you run, you simply turn a corner at it is waiting there for you. Probably best if we would invite it in to sit and chat with our friends. At least we could enjoy our friends and not be out alone and desperately running. Heck we may even be able to have a nice cup of tea.

I thought 2016 was a doozie. 2017 treated us like it a chew toy too. I may have some wear and tear, but I feel stronger and loved. It is a funny lonely feeling sitting bedside in a hospital room. It is even worse when the bed and its patient are not there either. I knew I had to be strong for him and especially strong for myself. When I fall to pieces all that remains are shards, sharp nasty little shards.

I used to worry that was denying myself the comfort of shattering, it is a great way to relieve pressure. Lord knows the pressure I was under. It could have been so much worse. I still tell myself that a year later, mostly because it is still true. We heard what so much worse sounded like in the room next to ours. I've never prayed so hard as when they kept calling out "No Pulse." They did get her pulse back and sent her to surgery immediately. I don't know if she survived and I've decided I don't want to. To me she will always be alive and on her way to a successful surgery. That is one story where I will insist on my own ending.

But as scary and lonely as an empty hospital room is, I oddly was very comforted by the messages of support we received via internet and text. I could feel strong hands supporting us. Never underestimate the power of good wishes, positive thoughts and prayers.

I still don't know how I made it through those weeks, probably never will. But I do know how many helped and that I was not alone even when I was alone.

We recently took the lady that called me and held D's hand while he was laying in extreme pain in the street, out to dinner. It was beyond interesting to hear another side of the story. He remembers desperately trying to pull himself off the tracks, and feeling like no one was there to help him. The lady explained they were all running towards him, they had just not made it there yet. All those people coming to help. Time it is different when you're laying in the street.

I guess the glue that I held myself together with is mostly set. I find myself leaking a lot. Especially after losing Dad. But I'm an even prettier vase now, I have character!