Not Exactly a Marshmallow

So... do you all remember that cowardly, judgemental letter I received?

Well... I know who sent it. I was offered an apology because someone else wanted it. The apology was a one time offer, only under her conditions. I did not respond. It was just another attempt to manipulate and control me.

I am currently working my way through all my thoughts and feelings. Moment to moment the things I want to say and do vary widely. I want to tell her to never speak to me, which is ironic because she has never spoken to me. I want to expose what she has done. I want to hide in a corner and never go out in the world again. I want to say everything I've ever thought of saying. I want to get an sincere apology full of regret. I want to yell and scream at her. I want to cry. I want to make her cry. I want this to had never have happened. I want her to not do this to someone else.

Right now I am ignoring and not responding. I am allowing myself to feel all of these things as part of my processing. No one gets to tell me what I feel. 

As we were talking through this situation I told D Oregon is sure going to make me strong and tough. His reply? "You weren't exactly a marshmallow."

Now if you will excuse me I have a warm kitty in my lap. And he is not judging me at all.