Commenting

OK so I am trying something new this year. It will not be a resolution (not that there is anything wrong with that) but just time for something new.

I am going to tap a wee hole in my shell and start to comment on other blogs. I am what is referred to in the online world as "a lurker." A lurker is someone that reads blogs but never comments or interacts with the blog.

I only recently started to look at the comments others leave on my favorite blogs and found that you can then go to the commenter's website (blog). I knew you could do this I had just never thought to check out some of the links myself. As with people in real life some are more interesting than others. Some I will connect with and some I will not. 

I find commenting to be like inviting someone into my house. I am always afraid that they will find something about me lacking. "Did you see the inside of her oven? I don't think she cleaned it this week." "Did you read her comment? Who would like that color?"

Is it as Abraham Lincoln said "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt"? I don't know. I do know that it is much easier for me to stay in my shell, but I am not sure that is the only thing I want anymore. 

I know that knitting has helped me develop friendships easier than anything I've ever done before. I now have friends that I trust my beloved kitties to, because of knitting. I know I have "My Canadian Blog" friend because of knitting. 

So this time next year I may have more friends because I made the decision to lurk less and comment more. I know I like reading comments, lets me know there are people out there. Last year I received one on my Library Love post from an employee of the Charleston County Library system. I thought to myself how cool is that? Someone in Charleston now knows how much I appreciated their job. And that my friends is a good thing to know somedays. 

I was shocked to receive a comment from Clara Parkes on my mentioning that I received a copy of one of her books for Christmas. I was going to play it all cool, but come on that is on the super side of nifty. And because of her comment I found her blog that I had not thought to look for, even though I read her Knitter's Review column. I am enjoying both books.  

So I know that the world is not all hot scones and tea out there but I think I am more willing to be part of it. Oh and if it turns out you don't think I am interesting, that is OK too. I think I am interesting most days and that is enough for now. And yeah I don't clean my oven very often either.

Off Probation

So I sometimes write posts in my head, usually when I'm bored or doing a task that does not need my full attention (knitting on a plain sock). I think I have written this post in various stages several times now. Who knows how many times I am going to need to edit it.

So let me fill you in on my blogging experiences. I am what is commonly known as a lurker. I read blogs but I do not interact with the blogger by commenting or attempting to contact the person. I always thought "What can I add ?" Plus you know that whole antisocial thing plays in here too. I mean why would someone who has never met me care what I think of their posts.

Well, it turns out that is one way that you can tell people are reading your blog. Sometimes, some thing just strikes a chord within you and you feel the need to say "Hey I feel that way too." Or "My goodness I'm glad I was alone when I read that, because I fell out of my chair laughing, now I have a puncture wound from where I fell on my knitting needle and I need to come up with a story my husband will believe."

Started to expand my reading and found this blog: Adriene's Couch - Come and sit a while!

A place to relax, take off your shoes and pick up your needles and hooks. This is a place of comfort!

I was intrigued. Come and sit a while? Me? How kind. Then I read this post If its got cake in the name it must be good. What? I think I just found my yarn cake soulmate. She understands.

I love cake and when you combine that word with yarn it is still love for me. The weird thing was the timing of this post as I had just received a ball winder for my birthday. I was fighting the urge to continually wind up yarn into cakes over and over. I think I wound up or rewound 80% of the yarns that I own. Still I could not comment about that post, because I had commented on a post about a month prior and I did not want to look like a weird internet stalker.

How was it that Adriene could say so well what I was thinking? I had been composing a post about yarn cakes in my head but she was just so much more eloquent. She said what I wanted to say and more.

So I continued to read and laugh a her posts, then it happened one day she commented on my blog! Oh happy day!

This is the email I sent D:
Hey,
Someone, who's blog I read, but don't know commented on my blog. I feel super cool right now.

This is what he wrote back to me:
You are now sufficiently cool that I deem your knitting probationary period has ended and permission to knit unsupervised is hereby granted.

You just got to love a man with that sense of humor! Although I have my doubts about a non-knitter being able to grant me that status. Don't you think it should come from another knitter? Or is that what he was saying another knitter granted me that status?

So we will see if this is up to her specs.

Anti-socialism

I am anti-social, I know this about myself. It took many years for me to figure it out. I don't trust easily and once given it can be rescinded like nobody's business. Hubby had to push and push and push me to get me to attend my first knitting group. Once I did I seemed to fit in pretty well and was hooked. It helped that I found my "sister from another mister" there. Yeah, hubby came up with that one. Funny guy isn't he? She has my sense of humor and tastes. Yeah it is scary.

But I do find me giving myself pep talks before I go. Some days it is very hard for me to be social. Sucks when one of these days happens on a knitting day. Do I drag myself out of the funk or allow it run its course?

Even worse, I hate attending events where I don't know anyone. Every once in a while I put on my brave face and go and stand in the corner. I am a wallflower, that is what I am. Unless I know you, then I will latch on to you and not let you go.

I don't make conversation, I don't understand small talk. I'm not even sure I like people. Can you tell I was not popular in high school? Or ever for that matter. The funny thing is I am OK with that. I've always had a special sense of who I am, and that person does not need other people to feel valid. I still can not figure out if that is a good thing or bad. I guess it is OK since I don't have agoraphobia (fear of leaving the house).

Who I am is who I am. At the end of the day I like me. But I still know I could always have more friends and that is something I really don't know how to do. I remember waiting for a friend outside of a knitting shop so we could go into knit night together. Going in by myself while waiting for her was not an option. If she had not shown, I know I would not have stayed. I might have gone in to shop for a moment but I know I could not be convinced to stay. I don't join in with out an honest invitation. When people invite me to do things I feel like they're just doing it to be polite, they don't really want me to join and throw off the group dynamic. I know that's not always true but it is how it feels to me most of the time.

Maybe it is because I know I am awkward. I know I don't fit. Maybe it is because I'm lazy and don't want to try. Maybe I don't want the world to know how crazy I really am.

I learned a very useful skill when I was in Tae kwon do. You were to do every move with force and confidence. It didn't matter if you realized you were wrong or did not know the next move, force and confidence. Not many people can tell right from wrong when done that way. If you look like you know what you're doing then you must know what you're doing. That is how I approach social situations now. I plaster a smile on my face and act like I know what I am doing. Poor D got to see how good I am at it when we had a trip to the ER one night. Outward I was calm, but once they took my blood pressure he knew how scared I was. I try to tell myself there is nothing to worry about till there is something to worry about. I english that means, we waste a lot of time worrying about things that might happen or could happen instead of dealing with what is happening.

So I am trying, I try to talk D's friends more, I'm lucky to be a member of a knitting group, I try to believe that people really do mean come join us when they say it and I'm actually making eye contact when we attend church, not just running for the door when the service is over.

Just remember the next time you're at a party and you notice the wallflower in the corner it could be me. Throw out a life line, it might be worth your time.