Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Moving is Hard

I know I should have put up a warning first. I did not want to shock you, but it is true moving is really hard work!

The hardest part was putting Gus down and being immediately swamped with other things to do. It kept us busy but I still don't know if I have really processed losing him. And because we started showing the house the following Monday we had to put all the reminders away. You know I rebelled against it, in secret of course. Gus' bed and some toys are out in my car. The first day it was in the passenger seat, but then I moved it to the trunk once I realized it may look like someone left a cat in a hot vehicle. Since I did not want to put up a note in the car, his bed is now safely tucked in the trunk. I can tell you it did bring me small comfort. I would love to still have my Big Tough Kitty here but we made the right decision it was time.

Otherwise it is really hard for little old introverted me to have strangers tromping through my house. Which also leads to the confession that a house this sterile looking could never be mistaken as my house under normal living conditions. We had to hide anything that really make it look like ours. We have the closets so packed right now, even my Tetris abilities are failing me. I mean really having a fan sitting out makes a room look that much smaller?

We had to be out of the house for all the showings, which means I packed up a project and took myself off to my home away from home, the library. It is the place that I ripped out my shawl on two different days. I swear this shawl is psychically linked to Gus. He always knew when I needed comforting and in a weird way this shawl is providing some comfort to me. It is an alpaca yarn that I bought many years ago. The first year I bought grey yarn and the second I bought green yarn. The grey yarn I knit into the shawl of comfort and healing.

Gus enjoying Mom's shawl in 2014

The green yarn will be a similar design, very simple garter stitch then a nice lace border. Well my friends, I cannot even be trusted to put in yarn overs every other row right now. I've ripped back the shawl five or six times now and that is in the simple part too. Luckily the yarn is holding up to the constant reknitting. Honestly, I think that I really need to be working with this yarn right now it does seem to bring some comfort to me. It is funny how yarn can do that sometimes. 

On the plus side my history of being a list maker is working out pretty good now. It is gratifying to be able to cross things off. Time is ticking down and all I can say is Thank God and Yikes all at the same time. I keep trying to imagine what life in the new place will be like but keep getting interrupted by thoughts of what leaving this place will be like. I am excited and sad. It is going to be very hard to leave this place that has been our home for over a decade.

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

I'm still here

We're working through our grieving process, again. I feel that I gave the situation and Gus' health a hard look. I had to admit some things to myself and Woah Boy was that difficult.

Gus had been declining so slowly and steadily that it made assessing his health all the tougher. We adjusted to every new normal that we had to, for which I will always be thankful. We got at least five bonus years out of him. Granted they were hard won bonus years but I will treasure each of the memories.

I found out just how tough and weak I am. Now was the time to admit just how weak we all were. Chronic illness takes just a bit out of you each time. Oh Hell it takes quite a bit out of you each time. It was so hard to look a pictures of young healthy cats and see the light slowly extinguishing in my beloved's.

Then the thought of what this three thousand mile trip would do to us. When you buy your first smartphone because you may need to have access to an emergency vet, you may want to rethink asking your beloved to make that journey.

It came down to hoping Gus would give up before I had to give in for him. That boy was never going to give up, unless you count not eating. He just could not face dinner time anymore.

He gave us his all and we gave him a peaceful way out.

Friday, June 17, 2016

My BigTough Kitty

It is with great sadness the I have to say an era is over.
My Big Tough Kitty is no longer with us.

Photo courtesy of my vet's facebook page

Gus' health has been declining for quite a while now. This week we decided there should be no more pain for him. We got to hold him and tell him how awesome he is the entire time.

He will be missed.

Friday, June 10, 2016

Moving on

We're moving!!

Yep it is true we're no longer going to be upstate New Yorkers. Deep breath. I've packed up much of my yarn and have started getting the house ready to sell. We're leaving the east coast.

Gus is thrilled! Mom, I smell a big smelly rat! What is going on?! What car trip?!!? I think I am in need of a lie down. Laaa Laaa Laaa I can't hear you!

I feel better, now that I have told you. I'll be back with more details once I've crossed 20 or 40 things off my to do list. Sigh.