Care

 My feline care team are in action. My mom passed on Friday.

Blankie Saga - The Ending

Let's talk about something that may not send me off into a crying jag, shall we?

The Blankie has been completed. One thing that struck me finally is how much the colors match my funky rooster. I mean seriously it is like we were using it as a color palette. No Auntie H you do not get Randolph the Rooster too!!! 

Once completed I had to lay it all out for inspection and approval. Mellie immediately gave it a thorough inspection. Auntie H has given us the left over yarn so Mellie may get a smaller one of her own. But not yet I am not ready to tackle another one so soon.

Burt wanted to check colors against Randolph to verify the palette even though I told him we didn't intend for that to happen.

One thing I will do for Mellie's blankie is make sure to mark which is the right side. I didn't think it was noticeable till I was a few stars in and the bright and dark didn't quite mesh as well. Live and learn right? I mean knitters choice; I was totally doing that as a design element to show off how the colors contrast?!

I bask in my knitterly glory for a week or so. Then laid it out for one last pic before sending it off to washer/dryer land. Mellie of course is a dependable inspector and gave it final approval.

It made it through washer/dryer land with flying colors so I let the New Mexico sun give it a kiss and finish off the drying. Plus it made an excellent flag for a bit.

 

So I seem to be channeling my feelings into my knitting but this is the end of this saga. I have a bunch of new things on my needles and more finished stuff to eventually show you but I need to get this off in the mail soon.

Seeking comfort

I meant to post a happy post to let us all know I'm dealing with my mom situation OK. Can't quite do that today. I'm OK but it is not fun living each day like it could be your mom's last. And being a little disappointed each day when it is not. 

 Yeah that is right I said that. It is simply my truth. I know it sounds cruel, impatient, and horrible. But it is what I am feeling. I've been losing my mom for years now. Actually to be honest I lost her in 2016. That was the first year mom missed my birthday call. She has missed every year since then.

I was convinced she would go that first night after my sister called and said she had a dangerously low heart rate. I was convinced she would be gone by the end of that week. I was convinced she would go after I finished a sock I started when talking to one of my friends about the situation. I think I even knit faster on the sock to help her along. I was convinced she would go after they buried the Queen. We had been Anglophiles together and surely if the Queen went my mom was not far behind. I was convinced she would go when the star blanket was finished. I was convinced when she missed another birthday call. I was convinced she would go on my birthday because she almost died after I was born. I was convinced every time. I kept most of these little deadlines to myself because it seems so cruel to wish your mother dead. But I do. I wish she could be free of pain and return to the person of my memories, except kinder because we remember the good and forget the bad. 

I want to stop dreading the phone ringing and feeling bad about someone whose body has not caught up to their mind. 

I wish her to let go and be free.

I'm not alright but we will make it through

No I'm not alright but I'll get through it with help. My mom is in hospice care. She is deteriorating each day. I have been receiving comfort from D, Burt, and Mellie. The kitties gather close to me each time I get a phone call. Burt especially spends some time on my lap giving some purr therapy. 

We are doing the best that we can.

 

So much to tell no time to do it

Oh my pretties, time keeps marching on and I am very behind in everything. Well that is not totally true but it does feel that way. I knocked some very important stuff off my to do list yesterday and got some troubling family news too. So today I declare a do what makes you feel better day. 

OK fine I took some time to do that yesterday and the day before too. Feels good to allow the time to center yourself and take some deep breathes. 

Part of why I have been absent is we bought a house and were moving again. At least it was local, though my body will tell you local is not easier!

The way I have been recentering myself after just simply sitting for a good long while, is to take the blankie out for some fresh air on the new balcony. It is so quiet here except for the planes coming and going.

Burt is enjoying being the only trustworthy kitty in the house. He gladly accepts his knitting supervisor role when it is out on the balcony. 

Yesterday my mom had a big medical scary thing. She is Ok and stable. While waiting yesterday I calmed myself with the blankie and only have two more sides to knit on this almost year long project. 
 

Blankie Saga continues

As our many months of hard work turned to different colors. Burt tagged himself in as the complimentary orange guy when the orange stripe got going. Mellie did spend a lot of time with me during the green rows. The seasons were changing and Mellie no longer needed me for warmth and support. What it is hard moving sometimes you just need to sit under a chair instead of on a lap. 

Burt however believes no knitting project should be left unsupervised. Burt is the very definition of hard worker when it comes to lap sitting and supervising. Sometimes he can multitask and bathe at the same time and others he concentrates on looking deep into your soul and convincing you that we should buy a house.

He may have even promised me a room for yarn again. We just have to find the right house...

 Ginormous! The word you are searching for is ginormous.

Burt stayed buckled in for the burgundy row also, thank goodness. This is turning into quite the effort and I need all the support I can get. 

No wait this is ginormous. What was I thinking a bit ago? 

I was thinking only two more colors to go!!!!

No one wants to sit on laps in this heat. You are on your own Momma!!!

I am only half a side away from being done with the navy blue yarn. I will be so excited to be able to finish this and give it away. Maybe then I can finish up a few other things that I have been neglecting in favor of getting this one in only a year.

Mellie thinks the best way to wrap up this installment of the saga is her glamor shot.

I agree.

Blankie tale the green rows.

In the first episode of big blankie tale we covered what I was able to knit in Oregon. The stripes were smaller and I was able to change up quite a few colors. After the move it took more time between color changes. Heaps more time. I thought I would be able to tell this tale in two installments. Silly me! At least it is helping me over my blogging hiatus.

I love green so I was excited to start these rows. 

Looks like Mellie was excited about green also. Maybe she was missing the Oregon green we had swapped for New Mexico brown?

I thought I had missed taking pictures of the green rows but I didn't. They just got lost in the sheer magnitude of pictures and time this thing has taken.

No really I sent a lot of pictures to Auntie H.

Mellie was happy to have a safe place to sit with Momma after the move. And nothing smells more like home than Momma and yarn!

 

I would say this is when I realized the magnitude of the blanket but that is not true. When Auntie had to buy more yarn I realized this was no ordinary baby blanket. I will have to total up how many balls of yarn it was once it is done. 

Mellie and I put in some quality settling in time together. 

Quality settling in time!!!

In case anyone is wondering the pattern is a free one, Ten Stitch Star by Frankie Brown.