You were my sunshine

RIP

 Burt, Burtoni, Burton, BB, Beebs

2014 - 2026

Trigger warning I am going to talk about end of life decisions, grief, and sadness.

We had almost ten years this wonderful ball of sunshine. 

We had a rough weekend with many calm, warm moments in between. 

He looks so tired here because he was. Last week he stopped eating, and you know how Burt loved his food. By Friday morning he would sniff food but not eat anything. We went to the vet and he did not have a blockage but she could not see his left kidney. He had a big mass that was probably pushing on his stomach and causing vomiting. She thought she could remove the kidney and help him. I thought about it and we put him on the schedule for Thursday and hospitalized him for the day. He got some good pain meds and supportive care but he would not eat. 

I picked him up Friday night and he was definitely high and happy to be home but it was a very difficult weekend. We had some calm quiet moments of hope, but he was not able to eat all weekend. I was unable to get meds to stay in and vomiting increased. 

By Sunday, I questioned if surgery was the right decision and my sister offered to look up the how successful surgery is. The outcome was not reported to be what I had hoped and his condition just kept sliding, especially since he could not keep meds down. It seemed as if surgery would only give us 90 to 200 days. Less than a year.  

Could I really put him through surgery for less than a year of bonus time. How much of that time would be bonus, recovering from a major surgery. Especially when he was not eating, which creates its own problems.

How selfish would it be to hurt him because I can't accept loss?

We were lucky enough to have him for almost ten years.

 I made sure I had one last project picture with him

He had the biggest personality and purr.

He was my shadow and knitting companion.

My warmest lap sitter with the biggest rumble.

 Goodbye my friend.